Pause

This reflection is connected to this week’s post on my

website, where I’m practicing one simple tool alongside families, educators, and caregivers. You can read that post there if you’d like.

There are moments when I know exactly what I want to do, and still don’t do it….

I know I want to stay calm.

I know I want to respond thoughtfully.

I know I don’t want to say the thing I’ll later wish I had paused before speaking.

And yet, when emotions rise, my body moves faster than my intention.

That’s been especially noticeable for me lately as I move between roles. My work. My family. My marriage. Caring for my aging parents. Each space asks something slightly different of me, and still, the same patterns show up.

What I’m realizing is that pausing isn’t about learning something new. It’s about remembering something familiar in the moment it matters most.

One of the quotes I keep coming back to is this:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” — Viktor Frankl

That space can feel very small in real life. Sometimes it’s barely noticeable. A breath. A moment of stillness and awareness. Sitting down instead of standing and letting silence linger just a second longer than feels comfortable.

I’ve been practicing that pause quietly. Not to be calm. Not to get it right. Just to notice and do something different.

What surprised me was how uncomfortable that space felt at first. There was a sense of urgency, almost a pull to fill the silence, to fix things, to speak and tell others what should be done, to act quickly, to fix something before it got worse. But when I stayed with the pause, even briefly, my body softened. My voice followed. The moment didn’t disappear, but it shifted.

Another quote that’s been sitting with me is this one:

“You do not have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you.” — Nikki Giovanni.

Pausing has helped me see that I don’t have to act on every thought or feeling the moment it appears. I can acknowledge it, breathe, and choose what comes next.

This is something Cheryl Shah and I discussed in a recent conversation about mindfulness and pausing. What stood out to me in that dialogue was how pausing isn’t about removing emotion. It’s about making space for awareness, especially when emotions are intense.

If you’d like to listen, you can watch that conversation below:

What I appreciate most about these reflections is that they bring me back to something simple. Pausing isn’t a performance. It’s not something to master. It’s a practice I return to again and again.

Some days I remember to pause.

Some days, I notice afterward that I didn’t.

Both teach me something.

If you find yourself reacting faster than you’d like, you’re not alone. You might notice this too. Maybe there’s one small moment this week where you pause before responding. No fixing. No forcing. Just noticing.

That may be enough for now.